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DICK & FITZGERALD 

PUBLISHERS 

18 Ann Street, New York 


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CRANFOED DAMES. 2 Scenes; V/% hours 8 

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SLIM JIM AND THE HOODOO. 1 Act; 30 minutes 5 

WANTED. A CONFIDENTIAL CLERK. 1 Act; 30 minutes 6 

SNOBSON'S STAG PARTY. 1 Act; 1 hour 12 

PICKLES AND TICKLES. 1 Act; 20 minutes 6 

HARVEST STORM. 1 Act; 40 minutes 10 

CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours.... 28 

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DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



A RUNAWAY COUPLE 



a farce Cometip in €too &etg 



By W. A. TREMAYNE 



Copyright, 1910, by Dick & Fitzgerald 



# 



NEW YORK 

DICK & FITZGERALD 

PUBLISHERS 



>1 ; 



UCID 21772 



A RUNAWAY COUPLE. 



Note. — The acting rights of this Play are expressly reserved by 
the Publishers, to whom Theatrical Managers should apply who 
wish to produce it. Amateur representation may be made without 
such application and without charge. 



CHARACTERS. 



Horace Singleton . 
Harry Bernard 
Col. John Martin . 
' John Hobson 
Mrs. Lucy Singleton 
Amy Stanhope . 
Miss Honoria Ponsonby 
Jessie 



A Barrister. 

A Young Lawyer. 

A retired Indian Officer. 

Singleton s Gardener. 

Singleton s Wife. 

Col. Martin s Ward. 

Mrs. Singleton s Aunt. 

A Parlor Maid. 



Locality. — Mr. Singleton's villa on the Thames, near Richmond. 
Time of Representation. — Two hours. 



SYNOPSIS. 

Amy, Col. Martin's ward, has eloped with Harry from Miss 
Ponsonby's Seminary. Harry brings Amy to Singleton's 
house while he goes to procure a marriage license. Mrs. Single- 
ton is away from home, but Singleton conceals Amy in his 
wife's room. Miss PONSONBY has traced Amy as far as the vil- 
lage nearby, and comes to Singleton's to rest. 

Later she discovers Amy and accuses Singleton of having 
/eloped with Amy. Col. Martin arrives and also accuses Sin- 
gleton of the same thing. Mrs. Singleton returns home and 
is convinced by MlSS Ponsonby of her husband's wickedness. 
Harry opportunely arrives with the license, and SINGLETON'S 
entire innocence is fully established. 



A Runaway Couple. 



COSTUMES. 

Horace Singleton. Age about 35. Good-natured, very 
nervous, has a habit of humming snatches of old-fashioned tunes 
when embarrassed. Neglige house costume, dressing-gown, etc. 
Afterwards, summer walking suit. 

Harry Bernard. A good-looking, well-built young man of 
about 28. Summer walking suit. Duplicate for Act II., torn and 
muddy. 

Col. Martin. A red-faced, military man about 55. Irritable, 
very positive, and loud-talking. White duck-suit, pith helmet, or, 
elderly gentleman's costume, white waistcoat, tall hat. 

John Hobson. About 60, very deaf. Rough tweed suit, 
flannel shirt, half-bald wig. 

Mrs. Lucy Singleton. A very nice-looking young matron of 
25. Neglige morning costume, very neat. Afterwards, smart 
summer walking suit and hat. 

Amy Stanhope. A slight, very attractive young girl of 18. 
Very neat summer walking dress, picture hat. 

Miss Ponsonby. A tall, prim, sour-looking person of 50. 
Rather old-fashioned black gown, cape, and bonnet. Side curls, 
black lace mittens. 

Jessie. A typical parlor maid of about 20, pretty, and pert. 
Neat shirt-waist, dark skirt, rather short, trim shoes and stockings, 
fancy apron with pockets, very small lace cap. 



PROPERTIES. 

Tray and tea-urn ; silver salver, two telegrams, papers, letters I 
tray with teapot and bread and butter ; tray with cake and wine, 
for Jessie. Satchel and "umbrella for MlSS PONSONBY. Watch, 
handkerchief, for Singleton. Watch for Col. Martin. Ten- 
button kid gloves and handkerchief for Amy. 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage, facing the audience, R. 
means right hand ; L. left hand ; C. centre of stage. Window C. 
window in centre of rear flat. L. 3 E., entrance at upper left of 
stage ; R. 3 E., entrance at upper right of stage ; R. 2 E., entrance at 
right, down stage. Up, toward rear of stage ; DOWN, toward the 
footlights. Xs, crosses. 



A RUNAWAY COUPLE. 



ACT I. 



SCENE.— Reception room in Mr. Singleton's villa on the 
Thames, near Richmond. French window, opening down to 
the ground at C. of rear fiat ; garden-scetie at rear. Chairs 
at R. and L. of wi?idow ; small table at rear L. Table at C. 
set for breakfast for two ; chair at R. and L. of table ; vase 
of flowers and hand-bell on table. Sofa down L. Small 
work-table down R. with chair at L. of it. Door at L. 3 E. ; 
also at R. 2 E. and R. 3 E. John Hobson DISCOVERED 
moving around breakfast table, and putting the finishing 
touches to it, arranging flowers in vase C, etc., then he steps 
back and surveys his work. 

JOHN. There, that's all right — Lucky Mr. Singleton's got me to 
look after things or Lord knows what'd become of the house. 
Women ! Bah ! lazy things — and Jessie's the laziest of the lot. 
Says Mr. Singleton last night, " I shall take a holiday to-morrow, so 
have breakfast early as I am going out at seven." Here it is seven 
o'clock and that lazy baggage not out of bed yet — I'll rouse her. 

{He takes breakfast-bell from table and rings it violently — a pause 
— he rings again. ENTER JESSIE, R. 2 E., fastening her collar 
— and her hair in curl papers.) 

Jessie. Good gracious ! Mr. Hobson, what is the matter? 

JOHN. Breakfast's ready, no thanks to you. 

Jessie. Breakfast ready ! Why, it's only seven. 

JOHN {hand to ear). Eh ? 

Jessie. Only seven. 

JOHN. Only seven ! And didn't Mr. Singleton say he was 
going out early and wanted breakfast at seven ? 

JESSIE. No ; he said he did not want breakfast early, as he 
was taking a holiday and would not go out till after eleven. 

John. Well, if he's going out after seven he wants his breakfast 
first, don't he ? 

Jessie. Not seven — eleven. 

JOHN {hand to ear). Eh ? 

Jessie {screaming). Eleven ! 

5 



6 A Runaway Couple. 

John. Oh, I don't know what you're trying to say. Why don't 
you speak plain. 

(ENTER Singleton l. 3 e. and comes down L. c.) 

Sing. What's the matter, Jessie ? 

John. Oh, it's all right, breakfast's ready, sir. No thanks to 
some people — {looking scornfully at Jessie.) 

Jessie. He thinks you said you wanted breakfast at seven, sir, 
he's getting worse than ever. 

John. It's a trifle late, but I did my best. 

Sing. Thank you, John — {Hums nervously to himself and 
walks up and down) Dear me — this is very awkward — he makes 
such peculiar mistakes. 

Jessie. I've no patience with him ; sir v he's enough to try a 
saint. (JoHN^^s up stage toward window C, chuckling and 
rubbing his hands.) And just look how pleased he is with himself, 
that's what aggravates me. 

Sing. Come, come, Jessie, don't get out of temper, you're much 
too nice a girl to do that. (Jessie simpers) Though really — 
{Running his fingers through his hair in a perplexed manner as 
he looks at JOHN.) I don't know what to do. It's no use speaking 
to him he never understands. Very embarrassing — very. {Puts 
his hands in his pockets and walks up and down humming 
dolefully^ 

(ENTER Mrs. Singleton l. 3. e.) 

Mrs. S. Breakfast ready? Why it's only seven. 

Sing. Yes, my dear, a mistake of John's. 

MRS. S. He's always making mistakes. 

Sing. I'm afraid he is, but they're always with the best inten- 
tions. 

MRS. S. Oh, I'm quite well aware of that, but if he poisons us 
all or sets the house on fire — as he's quite likely to do — I'm afraid 
that a jury would hardly accept his good intentions as an excuse. 

Sing. I'm afraid they wouldn't, my dear, so let's hope he wOn't 
get quite as far as that. At present we've only been deprived of a 
little sleep and " early to bed, and early to rise — " you know my 
love — Let's have breakfast. 

{He seats himself R. of table C. MRS. S. sits L. of it. JESSIE EXITS 
L 3. E. and returns bringing in a tea-urn which she places 
beside Mrs. S. John comes down back of table.) 

JOHN. Can I do anything more for you, sir ? 

Sing. No thank you, John. {Aside) You've done quite enough 
for one morning. 

John. Then I'll go and tend the garden. 

Sing. All right. {Raising his voice) Only don't pull up any 
more bulbs in mistake for weeds. 



A Runaway Couple. 7 

John. Oh, don't you fear, sir, I'll attend to the weeding, it's my 
strong point. [EXIT through window C. 

(MRS. S. and Singleton have business of eating breakfast 
through following scene.) 

Mrs. S. {looking after John). Really Horace, you ought to do 
something with him. 

Sing. My dear, what can I do? It's no use speaking to him. 
If I discharged him to-morrow he'd think I was raising his wages. 
I'll buy him an ear-trumpet if you like, but I'm afraid it won't work. 

MRS. S. You can go, Jessie. I'll ring when I want you. 

[Jessie EXITS R. 2. e after courtseying. 

SlNG. Shall I give you some ham, Lucy ? 

Mrs. S. Thank you. (Singleton begins to carve ham, hum- 
ming at the same time.) Horace ! 

Sing. Yes, my dear ? 

Mrs. S. You're humming. 

Sing. Thank you, my love — force of habit — I nearly got com- 
mitted for contempt of court the other day. 

MRS. S. You should break yourself of it. 

Sing. I'm trying, but it's hard work. I've done it ever since I 
was a small boy — used to get awful thrashings for it at school, and 
then your aunt — she came nearer breaking me of it than anyone— 
but even she didn't do it quite. 

MRS. S. By the way Horace, it's her birthday next week. 

Sing. Dear me, so it is. 

MRS. S. We must have her to dinner. 

Sing. I suppose so. {Sighing) I mean of course, my dear. 

Mrs. S. Think of all I owe her. 

SlNG. I never forget it. {Aside) She never lets me. 

Mrs. S. We must get her a present. 

SlNG. Certainly. 

Mrs. S. What shall it be ? 

Sing. I think my dear, you had better choose it, she never quite 
appreciated my taste, but what shall we do to-day ? I've hardly 
had a holiday since our honey-moon, and I've taken to-day on pur- 
pose to enjoy your society. Where shall we go ? 

MRS. S. Let's go up the river. It's charming at this time o^ 
year. We can have a picnic all by ourselves. 

SlNG. The very thing, hire a boat and go up the river. 

Mrs. S. Take some cold lunch with us. 

Sing. And a bottle of wine. Delightful ! {Hums) 

Mrs. S. Horace ! 

Sing. I beg your pardon. 
(ENTER Jessie r. 3 E. with some letters and newspapers in her 
hand, she puts some beside SlNG., and some beside MRS. S. and 
then EXITS R. 2 E.) 



8 A Runaway Couple. 

Mrs. S. {opening a letter and glancing over it). Dear — dear — 
dear! 

Sing, {looking up from a newspaper which he has opened). 
Anything wrong, dear ? 

Mrs. S. Everything. It's from Maria. James is away on 
business. Flossie and May have got the measles, and little Jimmy 
is teething, she's at her wit's end, and wants me to go to her at 
ouce. 

Sing. And you're going. 

Mrs. S. I must. 

Sing. Well, upon my word I call that too bad. My holiday 
spoiled, Why on earth couldn't they choose a more convenient 
time to have the measles ? It's very inconsiderate. 

Mrs. S. {shocked). Horace! 

Sing. I mean its very unfortunate, just when I'd been looking 
forward to a holiday so long. 

Mrs. S. {reproachfully). And don't you think I am disap- 
pointed ? 

Sing. Why of course you are. What a selfish brute I am. 
Never mind, my dear, we must make the best of it, if you insist 
upon going. 

MRS. S. {rising). It is my duty, Horace. {Up C. to L.) 

SlNG. {with a sigh of resignation, rising). Then I suppose 
there's no help for it. 

Mrs. S. I'll go and get dressed now, and then I can catch the 
nine o'clock train. [EXIT L. 3 E. 

Sing, {looking after her). What a treasure. If she has one 
fault it's that strict sense of duty and her intense family affection. 
Now there's her aunt — Miss Ponsonby — she adores her, and I 
really can't see what for. She brought her up to be sure, but she 
made the operation as unpleasant as possible ; the copy-books 
that that dear girl has filled with impositions would make a small 
library. The first time I ever saw her I was calling on Miss Pon- 
sonby about some legal business, poor darling, I think I can see her 
now sitting on a high stool, her eyes red with weeping, an ink 
smudge over her left eyebrow, copying out an irregular Greek verb. 
I fe-il in love with her on the spot, but it took me seven years to 
propose and make up my mind to face Miss Ponsonby. I've never 
forgotten the horror of that time. She may be — a good woman, 
but I can't stand her. Heavens ! what I suffered. {Hums dole- 
fully) 

(ENTER Mrs. S. L. 3 E. in hat and walking dress.) 

Mrs. S. Good-bye, Horace. 

SlNG. Good-bye, my dear, don't catch the measles. If you 
don't consider your own feelings, think of mine. Be back as soon 
as you can. {Kissing her) 



A Runaway Couple. 9 

Mrs. S. As soon as Maria can spare me. 
SlNG. I shall be so lonely without you. 

MRS. S. Of course you will, you poor dear. Good-bye. 

[EXIT window C. 
(SINGLETON goes to window, waving his handkerchief.) 
(ENTER Jessie r. 3 E. with tray in hand.) 

Sing. You can clear away the breakfast things, Jessie, I'm 
going to dress. 
Jessie. All right, sir. [ EXIT Sing., l. 3 e. 

[Jessie puts things on tray. Sing, is heard humming an air in 

the next room.'] 

Jessie. There he goes. I believe that man would hum a tune if 

he was dying or if somebody else was dying for the matter of that. 

He's making the most of his time while the Missis is away. 

{She picks up tray, as she does so and moves'^ toward R. 2 E. she 
meets Harry Bernard who ENTERS hi^riedly t>. r. 2. and 
runs against her, she utters a half stifled scream and almost 
drops the waiter. HARRY catches it and they stand, each 
holding a side.) 

Harry. Did I frighten you ? I beg your pardon, but the truth 
is I'm excited, and an interview with a deaf idiot in the garden has 
not helped to soothe me. Is Mr, Singleton in ? 

Jessie. Yes, sir. 

Harry. And Mrs. Singleton ? 

Jessie. No, sir. 

Harry. Just my luck. Tell your master I'm here. 

Jessie. Yes, sir. {Leaves the waiter in Harry's hands, goes 
up to L. 3 E. and knocks.) 

(ENTER Singleton l. 3 e. in morning dress, coming c.) 

Sing. Did you knock, Jessie ? 

Jessie. If you please sir 

Sing, {seeing Harry). Why, my dear boy. I'm delighted. 
{Cross to meet each other R. C. and both draw up, the tray between 
thein. ) What on earth are you doing with that ? 

Harry. That ? Oh, I'd forgotten. I held it for Jessie whilst 
she called you. Allow me — {Presents tray to JESSIE) I'm much 
obliged. [EXIT Jessie snickering r. 2 e. 

Sing. You seem a little upset. 

Harry. I, oh, dear me, no. I'm all right. 

Sing. Glad to hear it, we haven't seen you for such a long 
time I thought you'd been sick or forgotten us. 

Harry. Forgotten you ? Now, Singleton, you ought to know 
me better than that— what, forgotten my old chum that I used to 



io A Runaway Couple. 

fag for at school, who used to fight my battles and punch the big 
boys' heads when they bullied me. 

Sing, {chuckling). So I did, so I did — bless my soul— seems 
funny, now doesn't it — to think of me protecting you ? If there's 
any punching of heads to be done now-a-days you don't need a — 
{Nudges Harry in the side and laughs) 

Harry {absently). Yes — that is no — I mean. 

Sing. I'm doubly glad to see you to-day, as Mrs. Singleton has 
just been called away to her sister's — children sick — and as I am 
taking a holiday I'm all alone in the house. 

Harry. Damn the luck ! 

Sing. Eh ? 

Harry. Oh, don't mind me. I'm a little excited, that's all. 
See here, Singleton, I want you to do me a favor. 

Sing. A favor ? Why, of course I will, if I can. Won't you 
sit down? 

Harry. Yes, thank you. I suppose I'd better. 

(HARRY runs up to window C. and looks out anxiously, then back 
again to c. and sits l. of table c. Singleton on sofa L.) 

Harry. Horace, I'm in love. 

Sing. God bless my soul ! 

Harry. With the dearest, sweetest, loveliest girl in the whole 
wide world. 

Sing, {aside). He's got it bad. I remember the symptoms. 

Harry. You can't tell how I love her. I worship the very 
ground she walks on, but 

Sing, {aside). There's always a but 

Harry. She — she 

Sing. She doesn't return your love. My boy, I'm sorry for 
you. 

Harry. Nothing of the sort, she returns it with the most in- 
tense ardor — she adores the very ground / walk on. 

Sing. How delightful. 

Harry. It is. The trouble is she has a guardian. 

(SlNG. rises, crosses to HARRY and shakes his hand affectionately) 

Sing. My boy, accept my deepest sympathy. I've been there. 
Is it an aunt ? 

Harry. No, an uncle. 

SlNG. Thank heaven, there is hope for you. 

Harry. I'm not so sure. He is a perfect ogre. A retired 
officer at one time in the Indian service. His liver went to the 
devil long ago, and I think his heart must have gone with it, for 
company — at any rate he doesn't seem to have one. He told me 



: 



A Runaway Couple. II 

I was too young and too poor, and when I replied I was growing 
older every day, and had expectations, he said I could follow his 
liver. 

Sing. What did you do ? 

Harry. Interviewed the dear girl and swore eternal constancy. 

SlNG. {getting excited). Quite right, quite right, it's expected 
of you under the circumstances. 

HARRY. The next day, Colonel Martin sent my darling, though 
she's turned eighteen, to a boarding school in the country — I beg 
pardon, a Ladies Seminary, kept by a female dragon. 

Sing. Oh, Lord ! 

Harry. But I was not to be baffled. I followed her, obtained 
an interview by bribing the parlor maid, and after some persuasion 
got my darling to agree to an elopement. 

SlNG. An elopement ? 

Harry. Yes. Surely you don't object ? 

SlNG. I admire your courage. So far we have travelled the 
same road, now you are getting beyond me. 

Harry. Now, Singleton, I come to the favor I've got to ask of 
you, or rather Mrs. Singleton. Will you give Amy, her name is 
Amy, shelter whilst I get the license ? 

Sing. With pleasure, my dear boy, when Mrs. Singleton 
returns, but you see the duration of her visit doesn't depend on 
herself but on the measles — I mean on the children's recovery 
from the measles — but only wait till she returns, postpone your 
elopement for a day or two. 

Harry {rising). But I can't. 

Sing, {rising). Can't ? 

Harry. No, it's done. 

Sing. What ? 

Harry. I've eloped already, she's in the carriage at the door. 

{Rushes up to window C. and looks out.) 

SlNG. Good Heavens ! {Drops into chair L. of table C. and 
hums violently. Harry comes down c.) What's to be done ? 

Harry. Oh, it's all right. 

Sing. Is it ? 

HARRY. Yes. I'll bring her in and introduce her to you. It 
will take me a couple of hours to run to London for the license, 
and you can take care of her till I come back. 

SlNG. I? Oh— ah ! {Hums.) 

Harry. Yes, you are a married man. 

Sing. That's just it. I'm afraid my wife might object. 

Harry. Object ? Why ? 

Sing. On principle. She's an awful stickler for propriety, even 
the fact of the elopement would shock her, but I'd have tried to get 
over that, if she'd been here, for your sake. But a girl that has 



1 2 A Runaway Couple. 

eloped left alone for three hours with her husband ! Harry, I 
daren't. 

Harry. Singleton, for Heaven's sake don't desert me. Con- 
sider, a young girl's happiness and honor are at stake. When she 
objected to the elopement, I said, — You shall stay with the Sin- 
gletons, they will be your friends as they have always been mine, 
I can answer for them as I would for myself. 

Sing. Thank you, that was very kind of you, and as far as I 
am concerned it was all right, but don't you think it was a little 
rash to answer for Mrs. S. ? 

Harry. Not at all, it's the same thing. Husband and wife are 
one. 

SlNG. {aside). Oh, he's got a great deal to learn. 

Harry. And you'll let me bring Amy in, won't you ? The 
delay must have surprised her. 

Sing. Certainly, certainly. {Aside) There's no help for it. 
{Aloud) Be quick, or she may faint or have hysterics, or some- 
thing, you can never make sure of a woman. 

Harry. A thousand thanks. I'll never forget this. I'll do 
the same for you some day. 

Rushes out R. 2. E. leaving SINGLETON standing stupefied C. of 
stage.) 

Sing. Do the same for me — What does he take me for ? A 
married man elope ? Oh ! He's mad — mad — 

ENTER Harry r. 2. e. leading in Amy Stanhope. 

Harry {co?ning c. with Amy). Singleton, this is my affianced 
wife, Miss Amy Stanhope. 

Sing, {shaking hands with her). My dear young lady, 
charmed — delighted to meet you. 

{After shaking hands with her he turns up stage nervously 
humming^) 

Amy {aside to HARRY). Harry ! 

Harry. Yes, darling. 

Amy. How awful he must look when he's unhappy. 

Harry. Hush ! — {Going up to Singleton) Good-bye for the 
present, Horace ! I won't be gone long. I leave her to your care, 
my feelings are too deep for words, so are Amy's. 

(Amy, who has been looking around the room with some curiosity, 
tries to assume an intense expression.) 

Harry. But we will never forget your kindness. 
(Amy takes a candy from her pocket and puts it in her mouth, 
Harry crosses to her.) 
Harry. Will we, my darling ? 



A Runaway Couple. 13 

Amy {with her mouth full and trying to look dignified). 
Never — 

Harry. And I hope that some day we shall have a chance of 
showing our appreciation of it. 

SING, {aside). Make me god-father to the first, they always 
do it — {Aloud) Don't mention it — too delighted — too — 

Harry. And now, my own, I must leave you for a little while. 

SlNG. Oh, dear, I'm not wanted — {Goes up to window at back 
C. and looks out) Um — ah — I'm afraid we shall have rain, well, 
we mustn't complain, the crops wanted it. {Stands with his back 
to them and his hands in his pockets, humming softly.) 

AMY." You won't be gone long? 

Harry. Not a moment longer than I can help — Good-bye — 
{They kiss.) 

Amy {putting her hand into her pocket). Oh, Harry ! 

HARRY. What is it, darling. 

Amy. I'm out of caramels. 

Harry. I'll buy some. 

AMY. It's a long time to wait. 

Harry. The sooner I go, the sooner I'll get back. 

Amy. That's true — Hurry. 

Harry. Good-bye. 

{They kiss— just as they are in the act, Singleton turns round 
and sees them, he goes back at once to his original position, 
humming violently?) 

Amy. Good-bye. {They kiss. Harry crosses to R. 2. E.) 
Oh, Harry. 
Harry ( back to a). What is it, darling ? 
Amy. Tell them to put in lots of chocolate. 
Harry. I will — 

{They kiss — same business as before for Singleton — Harry 
tears himself away and EXITS R. 2. E. SINGLETON looks 
cautiously over his shoulder to make quite sure he has gone, 
and then comes down c. Amy sits left of work table R. her 
back to SINGLETON, who stands watching her C. — she searches 
eagerly through a small bag which she carries and also feels 
in her pockets.) 

SlNG. Poor child, lost her pocket handkerchief — I'll get one of 
Lucy's. [EXIT softly L. 3. E. 

AMY. I thought that — no — {Continuing her search) No, I 
guess I'm wrong. {Feeling in bag again) No I'm not. {Smil- 
ing) I've got them. {Pulls out some candy done up in a small 
screw of paper, puts some in her mouth, and then taking out her 
handkerchief wipes her lips) 



14 A Runaway Couple. 

ENTER Singleton l. 3. e. with a handkerchief in his hand 

he crosses R. 

Sing. Ahem — Miss Stanhope. 

{She turns round suddenly facing him at the same time wiping 

her lips with her handkerchief .) 

Amy. Eh ?— 

Sing, (surprised at seeing her so cheerful). I — I (Hums, 

and puts handkerchief in coal-pockety 

Amy. Have one ? — (Holding out a candy.) 

Sing. Er, No thanks. (Crosses to chair L. of table and sits. 
Aside) What an extraordinary young woman. 
(Amy rises, lays her gloves and handkerchief on table R. and then 
crosses to R. of table C.) 

Amy. It's awfully good of you to have me here, for I know in 
your heart you must think me an awful case — Now don't you ? 
Running away from home and marrying without the consent of 
my guardian. 

Sing. My dear young lady, I feel quite sure that you had 
reasons and good ones for your conduct, of course it's a little un- 
conventional. 

Amy. That's putting it mildly. (Laughing) I should just 
like to hear the Dragon's opinion on the subject. 

Sing. I beg your pardon — the ? 

Amy. Dragon ? Oh, I forgot, you don't know her, — well, 
you've got something to live for. 

Sing. May I ask who the 

Amy. Dragon is ? The head of a young ladies' seminary, and 
the "author of all my woes," as they say in the novels. (Sits 
on side of table C.) I tell you what, Mr. Singleton, you can't have 
an idea of what she's like till you've lived with her. (SINGLETON 
looks startled) She's a grand Inquisitor in petticoats. Not that 
she had it all her own way, Oh, no — (Swinging, her feet and 
munching another candy) There are times when even a worm 
will turn, and if our lives were not a dream of bliss, her life was 
not a bed of roses. She had one weak point — Mice. 

Sing. Mice ? 

Amy (nodding her head emphatically). Er — er — In her 
wildest flights of eloquence or her most abusive moments, pre- 
tend you saw a mouse and you had her at your mercy, and we 
saw them — frequently. (Nods her head again and takes auother 
candy.) 

Sing. But what will your guardian say, Miss Stanhope ? 

Amy. Oh, he's all right, when he once knows I'm married and 
it's no use talking, he'll give us his blessing after the most ap«. 
proved fashion. Oh, he's not half bad, besides— he's a man, 



A Runaway Couple. 15 

Sing. So I suppose. 

Amy. Well, you can always coax a man. 

Sing. Can you ? 

Amy. Of course. A few soft words, a smile or two, and in 
extreme cases — well, perhaps a kiss — and you can twist 'em 
round your little finger. {Jumps off table and runs up to window C.) 

Sing, {to himself). What a very extraordinary young woman. 
{Looks at his watch) Only fifteen minutes gone, whatever shall I 
do to amuse her till Harry comes back. Oh, Iwish Lucy was at 
home. No I don't know that I do. I'm afraid Lucy vvouldn t 

approve of her. I wonder if she plays dominoes — or — or {Looks 

hopelessly at Amy who is standing looking out at window C. 
whistling) Oh Lord ! it's like a nightmare. {Runs his fingers 
through his hair and hums dolefully?) 

Amy. Mr. Singleton, here's a carriage coming up the drive. 

Sing. A carriage ? 

Amy. Yes, you're going to have visitors. 

SING. Oh, nonsense, a mistake, I don't expect anyone — unless 

{with a look of horror) it's someone in pursuit of you. 

Amy. Oh, what fun ! 

Sing, {aside). What a perverted sense of humor. 

Amy. Yes, it's stopping at the door. 

{Noise of carriage heard R.) 

Sing. Really ? {Runs up to window c.) So it is, and 

(Amy shrieks and jumps back front window and sinks on chair 
L. of window. Singleton sinks on chair R. of window.) 

Amy. The Dragon ! 

SlNG. My wife's aunt. 

{Last two speeches spoken almost together.) 

Amy. I'm lost. 

Sing. You ? Lost ! What do you think I am ? If that woman 
finds you here, she'd be capable of instituting proceedings for a 
divorce. 

Amy. Divorce, from whom ? 

Sing. Me. 

AMY. But I'm not married to you. 

Sing. Of course not. {Half aside) Thank heaven. {Aloud) 
Who said you were. 

Amy. You did. 

Sing. Did I ? Then don't pay any attention to me, I'm not 
accountable for what I'm saying. 

Miss Ponson$y {outside r.). I will walk up, you need not 
announce me. 

(Amy and Sing, rise.) 



i6 A Runaway Couple. 

Sing. She's coming. Great Heavens ! What are you standing 
there for. 

Amy {half crying). Because I don't know where to go. 

Sing. Of course not. What a fool I am. Oh, this is worse 
than a nightmare, for there's no waking up. Here, get into my 
wife's room, quick. {Pulls AMY across to room L. 3 E., pushes her 
in and closes the door, just as he does so MlSS PONSONBY 
ENTERS R. 2 E. They eye each other for a moment, and 
then Singleton comes down to meet her C.) My dear Miss Pon- 
sonby, what a delightful and unexpected pleasure. Let me take 
your satchel and umbrella, let me 

{Stops short on seeing MlSS PONSONBY staring at him fixedly.) 

Miss P. Good morning. {Down to sofa L. and sits) Where's 
Lucy ? 

Sing. (a). She's not at home. 
. Miss P. Not at home ? I thought I saw her at the window 
with you as I drove up. 

Sing, {laughing faintly). What a funny idea. No, she went 
away by the nine o'clock train. 

Miss P. Where has she gone to ? 

Sing. To Maria's. 

Miss P. What has she gone there for ? 

Sing. The children have got the measles and she's gone to 
help Maria nurse them. 

MlSS P. Nonsense. 

Sing. Oh, but she has. 

Miss P. Who said she hadn't? 

Sing. Really, I beg your pardon, I thought you said 

Miss P. Nonsense. So I did, and I meant nonsense. Why 
should Lucy be taken from her home duties to help Maria nurse 
the children. If people can't take care of their own children, they 
are not fit to have any. Lucy was a fool to go. 
, SlNG. {indignantly). Miss Ponsonby 

(Miss Ponsonby turns and faces him and he goes on very 
mildly) 

SlNG. Don't you think you're a little hard on her ? She thought 
she was doing her duty, and you know what a strict sense of duty 
you inculcated in her youthful days, and it has always been her 
aim to live up to that standard. ( Gradually gets down to R. in a 
line with L. 3 E. where he can watch the door) 

Miss P. There's a difference between doing your own duty and 
doing other people's duty. How do you come to be at home ? 

SlNG. I was taking a holiday. Lucy and I were going up the 
river on a pleasure trip, when Maria's letter came and upset all our 
plans, 



A Runaway Couple. 17 

MISS P. {looking at him severely). You 11 end in the poorhouse. 
The idea o! wasting your precious time on pleasure excursions. 
I'm ashamed of you. 

{A pause. Singleton smiles faintly and hums a few notes, 
MISS. P. looks at him suddenly and he stops) 

SING. To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit ? 

Miss P. To the most unpleasant and unprecedented incident 
that ever happened in my seminary. 

Sing. Dear me ! 

MlSS P. Yes, a girl — I will not call her a young lady — (AMY 
opens door L. 3 E.) has dared to elope with a man, and bring dis- 
grace upon Ponsonby house. I am in pursuit of her. 

(Amy shuts door L. 3 E. with a bang, drawing in quickly. MlsS 
P. turns round, Singleton sinks into chair R. and gasps, 
passing his handkerchief across his forehead. Then as 
Miss P. again turns towards him he smiles faintly and begins 
to hum) 

Miss P. I am glad it amuses you. / should scarcely consider 
it a subject for joke, but no doubt we view things in different 
lights. 

Sing, {very serious). My dear Miss Ponsonby, really you are 
mistaken. I was 

Miss. P. Smiling and humming, surely signs of mirth. 

Sing. Merely a habit. 

Miss P. A bad one, correct it. But to go back to my story, I 
traced her as far as the village, there I lost track of her. (SINGLE- 
TON shudders) But she need not think that she has baffled me. 
She is the ward of Colonel Martin, late of the Indian service, and 
immensely wealthy. I can't afford to lose his patronage. I will 
find her yet. 

SlNG. {glancing at D. L.). Of course you will. 

Miss P. I was fatigued with my journey, and I thought I 
would come on here and rest. 

Sing. A happy thought, just when I was feeling so lonely too. 

{Door L. 3 E. opens and Amy comes half out and begins to make 
signs pointing to her handkerchief and gloves on table R. 
Singleton motions her to go back.) 

Sing. So you see it is an ill wind that blows nobody any good. 
Now won't you have some refreshment ? 

(AMY points frantically to gloves and handkerchief, but SIN- 
GLETON pretends not to see her) 
Miss P. Well, thank you, I do feel a little faint, and if you will 
get me a glass of wine and some biscuits 



18 A Runaway Couple. 

Sing. Certainly. {Crosses to R. 2 E. Amy makes a gesture to 
him to stop, so he rings bell instead) This must be a dreadful 
trial to you. 

(ENTER Jessie r. 2 e.) 

Sing. Ah, Jessie, bring some cake and wine for Miss Pon- 
sonby, and be quick, Jessie, that's a good girl. 

[EXIT Jessie, r. 2 e. 

Sing. Yes, as I was saying it must be a dreadful trial to you. 
How you go through all you do I can't imagine. I often say to 
Lucy 

{Catches Amy's eye, who has come half out into the room and is 
trying to draw his attention to the handkerchief and gloves. 
He stops short. Miss Ponsonby turns on him sharply and 
Amy goes back into room L. 3 E.) 

Miss P. Horace Singleton, what is the matter with you ? 

SlNG. With me, nothing — I' — I'm all right. 

Miss P. You don't look it, and what's more — {Rising) I don't 
believe you are. I know you of old, you've got something on your 
mind. 

SlNG. {laughing faintly). What an idea. I assure you you are 
mistaken, never felt happier or better in all my life. 

(ENTER JESSIE R. 2 E. with wine and cake on tray.) 

SlNG v Ah, thank you, Jessie, thank you. {Takes waiter from 
Jessie and crosses to Miss P. L.) You can go, Jessie. Now, my 
dear Miss Ponsonby, make yourself comfortable. (Miss P. sits 
sofa L.) I can recommend this sherry, a splendid brand. I got it 
cheap from a client. {Hands her cake and wine) This cake, 
some of dear Lucy's own making, I'm sure you'll like it. 

(Miss PONSONBY spreads napkin over her knees, takes cake and 
wine. As soon as SINGLETON sees her occupied he moves up 
tO L. 3 E.) 

Sing, {to Amy in a whisper). Go away. 

Amy {in a whisper). I won't. Get my gloves and handker- 
chief. 

(Miss P. turns quickly. Amy goes back into room. Singleton 
comes down to table C. and deposits tray, and then putting 
his hands in his pockets goes up C. humming and trying to 
appear unconcerned, stands looki?ig out of window?) 

SlNG. Charming day, charming day ! Lovely views round 
here, Miss Ponsonby, perfectly beautiful. {Gradually works his 
way down again to table R., keeping his eye on MlSS P.) When 
you are rested I'll take you to the knoll, a few minutes walk from 



A Runaway Couple. 19 

here and show you some fine scenery. {Gets down R. of table R. 
and has just reached out his hand to take handkerchief, when 
MlSS P. turns on him suddenly, he takes back his hand, tries to 
look innocent and begins to hum.) 

MISS P. I shall be very happy to go with you. I shall be here 
for at least two hours. (Singleton shudders) I have left word 
at the hotel for any fresh news to be sent on here. 

SING. Good idea, first rate. {Gradually getting near to hand- 
kerchief ) She can't have gone very far, and no doubt you'll get 
news soon. {Grasps at ha?idker chief ; just as he is raising it 
from table MlSS P. looks round and catches him in the act. Amy 
who has been watching him with intense interest draws back into 
roojn L. with a scream. MlSS P. rises and crosses C.) 

MlSS P. What's that ? {Pointing to handkerchief} 

Sing. That ? That's a — a handkerchief. 

Miss P. Whose ? 

Sing. Whose? Lucy's, I suppose. 

MlSS P. And the gloves. {Picking them up) Are these Lucy's 
too? 

Sing. I suppose so. 

MlSS. P. Horace Singleton, you know better. Lucy wears a 
six and a half, I ought to know, I've bought them often enough. 
These are sixes. 

Sing. Are they really ? Some lady friend's perhaps. She's 
borrowed them for a pattern. 

MlSS P. A pattern — for a glove ? 

Sing. I don't mean pattern, I mean a sample or something 
like that. Women are always doing that sort of thing, don't you 
know. Or perhaps they're Jessie's. 

MlSS. P. A servant with No. six, ten-button Paris kid gloves? 
Nonsense. Give me that handkerchief. (Sing, hands hand- 
kerchief to her) Is that Lucy's monogram ? 

SlNG. I don't know. I don't understand monograms. They 
always seem to me like Chinese puzzles, and I never was good at 
Chinese puzzles. 

Miss P. I don't like the look of this ! 

Sing. Don't you? I'm not a judge of cambrics, but I dare 
say you're right. 

MlSS P. Oh, you think that's clever, but take care, Horace, 
there is some mystery here which I intend to solve, and if I find 
that you are deceiving the child I confided to your care, I will make 
you repent it bitterly. ( Throws downgloves on table. Singleton 
goes up to window C. nervously. MlSS P. examines monogratn, 
but cannot make it out, shakes her head andpitts handkerchief in 
her pocket) I will leave my umbrella and satchel in Lucy's room 
and bathe my head with cologne, it is aching from the excitement 



ao A Runaway Couple. 

I have undergone. Then we will go for a walk. Outside there 

will be no eavesdropping servants and I can talk to you freely. 
{She turns as if to cross up to d. l. 3 e. Singleton gets between 
her and the door) 

Sing. No, you mustn't, you really mustn't — you know. 

MISS P. Mustn't what ? 

SING. Go in there. 

Miss P. Why not? 

Sing. Because — er {Hesitates) 

Miss P. Because you don't want me to go there. 

Sing. Of course, that is what I mean, Jessie has been busy and 
it's not tidied up yet. Go to the spare room, it's much nicer. 

Miss P. Thank you, I prefer this! 

Sing. Oh, no you don't, I mean it isn't half as nice. You haven't 
seen the spare room since it was fitted up. 

MISS P. I don't want to. 

Sing. Oh, don't say that, we've fitted it up with a special view 
to your comfort when you give us the pleasure of your company. 
So nice and cozy, do come. 

Miss P. Horace Singleton, if it were not so early in the morn- 
ing I should think you were intoxicated. 

Sing. Bless my soul, what a horrible idea! Really, Miss 
Ponsonby. 

Miss P. As it is, I must look to a still worse motive to account 
for your conduct. You have some one concealed in that room. 
Don't deny it. I can see it in your face. Let me pass. I demand 
it in the name of your injured wife. {Tries to pass him) 

Sing, {stopping her). No, really, really you mustn't — stop a 
moment and I'll tell you all. 

Miss P. Ha! I thought we should come to a confession at last. 

Sing, {leading her down to sofa L.). Of course you did, there's 
no keeping anything from you, is there ? Your birthday's next 
week. 

Miss P. What's that got to do with it ? 

Sing. Everything ; you see, a few days ago Lucy said to me, 
'• Horace, the seventeenth is aunt's birthday." " So it is," said I. 
" We must get her a present," said Lucy. " Think of all I owe 
her," " I can never forget it, my love," said I, " all that we both 
owe her, for if she had not brought you up in such an exemplary 
manner you would never have made the delightful companion you 
do. Let us get her a present by all means." And we did. {Out 
of breath) 

Miss P. Well, what on earth has that got to do with your not 
allowing me to enter that room ? 

Sing, {gasping). It's there, 

Miss P. What? 



A Runaway Couple. 21 

SlNG. The present, a silver — {Stopping short) There, I was 
nearly telling, and I wouldn't for the world. Lucy has set her heart 
on giving you a surprise, and she would be so disappointed if I let 
the cat out of the bag. 

Miss P. Horace, I believe you are deceiving me, and if you 
are — {Grasps umbrella firmly in one hand and bag in the other 
and marches up to R. 2 E.) I'll be back shortly. [EXIT R. 2 E. 

(Singleton sinks on sofa l.) 
Sing. Oh Lord, oh Lord ! who would ever have thought I'd 
have developed such a talent for lying. The trouble is I can't re- 
member half the lies I've told, and I'm afraid I shall contradict 
myself. (Hums dolefully) 

(Amy ENTERS from L. 3 E. / after looking cautiously round 
comes down behind sofa and lays her hand on SINGLETON'S 
arm, he jumps up frightened and sees her.) 

Sing. Oh dear ! 

Amy. Is she gone ? 

Sing. No, no ! Oh, my good girl, for Heaven's sake, go back 
into that room, if she comes in now — (Shudders) 

Amy. Isn't she a dragon ? 

Sing. She's a nightmare. Oh, why did you elope, you know it 
wasn't right ! 

Amy. Not to escape her ? 

Sing, (crossing up C.). Well, that was an extenuating circum- 
stance, but — ( Turning to her) why did Harry bring you here to 
disturb the peaceful current of my life. I — I — don't wish to seem 
inhospitable — (Looking at her helplessly) but — I — I wish you 
were somewhere else. 

Amy (following him up). You poor old dear, it is too bad, 
but what could we do ? Just you stick to us a little longer and 
you'll never regret it. Don't desert us now, there's a darling. 

(Stands on tip-toe — puts her arms around his neck and kisses him, 
and then runs out L. 3 E. Singleton stands looking after 
her in astonishment^) 

Sing. God bless my soul, what a very extraordinary young 

woman 

(ENTER Miss Ponsonby r. 2 e.) 

Miss P. I am ready, Horace. 

Sing. At your service, my dear Miss Ponsonby, in one minute. 
(Miss P. moves up toward window c. Singleton crosses to table 
C. and rings gong) I'm sure you'll enjoy the view when you 
see it, several people have said it's one of the finest views in the 
country, so (ENTER Jessie r. 2 e.) My hat and gloves, 



A ^Runaway Cottpie. 

j •■ I- -(EXIT Jessie r. 2 e.) So lovely — so calm — so soothing — 
Miss P. I'm glad to hear it, perhaps under its influence you'll 
act more rationally. 

(ENTER Jessie r. 2 E. with hat and gloves and two telegrams 
on a salver.) 

Jessie. Two telegrams, sir. 

Sing, {with a gasp). K\\—(To Miss Ponsonby) Will you 
excuse me a moment? (Taking hat, gloves and telegrams from 
Jessie) 

Miss P. I will wait for you in the garden. I have no doubt the 
atmosphere out there is purer. 

[EXITS window C. to R. JESSIE EXITS R. 2 E. 

SlNG. {sits sofa L. and opens first telegram. Reads). " Chil- 
dren not very ill, James has returned, expect me by the three 
o'clock train. Lucy." (SINGLETON begins rapidly calculating 
on his fingers) Three o'clock, thank Heaven ! Harry will be 
back first. 

Miss P. (of*, a). Horace! 

SlNG. (opening second telegram). In one moment, my dear 
Miss Ponsonby. (Looks at telegram blankly, rubs his eyes and 
reads it aloud) Train delayed by accident, may not be back for 
hours — Harry. Oh lord ! (Collapses and sits helplessly on sofa. 
MlSS P. appears at witidow Q.from R.) 

Miss P. Horace, I am waiting. 

SlNG. Coming, my dear Miss Ponsonby, coming. 

( Thrusts telegrams into pocket, rises, throws on hat very much 
on one side, picks up gloves and goes up C. trying to hum 
cheerfully. Miss P. grasps him sternly by the arm and they 
turn to go C. to R.) 

QUICK CURTAIN. 

ACT II. 

SCENE — Same as ACT I. An hour or so later. As curtain 
rises Amy puts her head out of the door L. 3 E. and looks 
around cautiously. 

Amy. No one here. Oh, dear me, I am so hungry, terribly 
unromantic but intensely disagreeable. I wonder if the servant 
would get me anything ? She looked rather suspiciously at me 
this morning as if she were doubtful of my propriety. Never mind, 
if she'll only come I'll try my powers of persuasion. Any of the 
servants at Ponsonby House would have died for me. I'll see if I 
can't charm — Why, I don't even know her name. 



1 



A Runaway Couple. 23 

(ENTER JESSIE r. 2 E. with some papers and letters in her hand, 

she comes down io table R. and places them upon it. She 
does not see Amy who is up l. C.) 

Jessie. Afternoon post and nobody here to open the letters. 
Well, I hope I know my position better than that to criticise my supe- 
riors, but I don't like the looks of things. It seems strange the 
moment missis has gone, to smuggle a strange young woman 
into the house and then hide her away when Missis's aunt comes. 

Amy (down c.) Ahem. Good morning. 

Jessie (stiffly). Good morning, ma'am. 

Amy. Er, what's your name ? 

Jessie. Jessie, ma'am. 

Amy. What a pretty name. 

Jessie. Glad you like it. 

Amy (coming closer). It belongs to a pretty girl. 

Jessie (edging away). Very good of you to say so, ma'am. 
(Aside) Trying to get on the soft side of me. 

Amy. Jessie, I'm afraid you don't like me. Come, confess, 
you're thinking all sorts of dreadful things about me, aren't you ? 

Jessie. I hope I know my place better ma'am. 

Amy. Oh, nonsense, thoughts are free to everybody, and I 
don't blame you for misjudging me. I know I'm in a false position, 
but — (Crosses to sofa L. and sits) Jessie, come and sit down, I 
want to talk to you. 

Jessie. Thank you, ma'am, I'd as lief stand. 

Amy. Oh, no you wouldn't, besides I want you to come and sit 
beside me, Jessie, please. 

(JESSIE crosses rather reluctantly and sits beside her on sofa L.) 

Amy. Now, Jessie, I'm going to make a confidant of you, and 
I'm sure when you know all you'll be my friend. 

JESSIE (aside). I don't like this. The first thing I know I'll be 
mixed up in a bigamy or a murder or something as accessory 
before the fact. 

Amy. Jessie, did you ever have a lover ? (JESSIE simpers) Of 
course you have, a pretty girl like you couldn't be long without a 
lover. Jessie, I'm sure you'll sympathize with me. Did you see 
that gentleman who brought me here this morning ? (JESSIE 
nods) We've eloped. 

Jessie. Gracious! 

Amy. Yes. (Assuming an intensely romantic air) A cruel 
guardian wanted to part us, and confided me to the care of a 
female dragon, but love will find out a way, and so we've eloped. 
Harry left me in your master's care while he went to get the 
license, when all of a sudden the female dragon appeared and 
turned out to be your master's aunt, and she must never find me, 



24 A Runaway Couple* 

Jessie, or goodness only knows what may happen. So you'll help 
me, won't you ? And if she cross-questions you, you won't tell 
her anything ? 

Jessie. You can trust me, Miss, I hate that old cat. 

Amy. Quite right, Jessie, I knew you were a sensible girl, and 
now will you do me one favor ? 

Jessie. Anything I can, Miss. 

Amy. Then get me something to eat, for I'm starving. I was 
so flurried and excited this morning that I didn't eat any breakfast, 
and I've had nothing all day but a few caramels, and they aren't 
satisfying. 

JESSIE {rising). I'll get you something at once, Miss, and bring 
it round to Missis's room. 

John {off L. C). What's come to everybody ? 

Jessie. Quick, Miss, back into the room. 

Amy. Who is it ? 

Jessie. It's John, Miss, he's deaf and half an idiot, and if he 
saw you he'd 

{Hurries Amy into room L. 3 E., closes door and then crosses 

toR. 2 E.) 

JESSIE. This is lovely, just like a story in Bow Bells. 

[EXIT R. 2 E. 

(ENTER JOHN, window C. from L. with some flowers in his 
hand.) 
John. No one here. I thought I heard voices. That little 
fool Jessie talking to herself I dare say. Lord, women are stupid. 
Why, only a few minutes ago she came to me and says, Missis has 
got the measles and gone away to be nursed. What rubbish. 
Missis is as well as lam. Measles — bah! {Goes up to small 
table L. C. at back and begins to arrange flowers) 

(ENTER Colonel Martin, c. apparently in hot haste.) 

Col. M. Not a soul about. What sort of house keeping do 
they call this ? If I had them in India, I'd show them how to 
treat servants, yes sir, by George I would. {Sees John) Here 
you, sir, why the devil don't you answer? {Goes up to John and 
slaps him on the shoulder) 

John {turning slowly). Eh ? 

Col. M. Eh ? Confound his impertinence. What do yo»* 
mean, sir? 

John {hand to ear). Eh ? 

COL. M. Deaf. {Raising his voice) Does Mr. Singleton liv<* 
here ? 

John. Of course I do. 

Col. M. Do what ? 



A Runaway Couple. 2$ 

John. Live here. 

Col. M. Who the devil cares where you live. Does Mr. Sin- 
gleton live here ! 

John. He's not at home. 

Col. M. Does he live here when he is at home ? 

John. About three o'clock. 

Col. M. About three o'clock ? What is the chuckle-headed 
old fool talking about ? (Coming down C. talking to himself) If 
I only had you in India, I'd show you, sir, by George I would. 

John. If you're talking to me you must speak louder. 

Col. M. Louder ! I'll burst a blood vessel presently. Louder ! 
I haven't talked so loud since the day I led the charge at Singapore 
and had to shout my orders above the roar of the cannon. 

John. It's no use mumbling like that, I can't hear you. 

COL. M. Mumbling ! By heavens this is too much. A Colonel 
of the British army told he mumbles by a servant. Oh, if I only 
had you in India, I'd show you, sir. 

(ENTER Jessie r. 2 e.) 

Col. M. Ah, by Jove, a pretty girl. She'll give me the in- 
formation I want. I was always a devil amongst the girls, they 
never could resist me, never. Ahem, my dear, does Mr. Singleton 
live here ? 

Jessie. Yes sir. 

Col. M. Is he in ? 

Jessie. No sir, he's gone for a walk. 

Col. M. Alone ? 

Jessie. No sir, with Missis's aunt. 

Col. M. Whose aunt ? 

Jessie. Missis's, sir. 

Col. M. Who is your mistress ? 

Jessie. Mrs. Singleton, sir. 

Col. M. Mrs. Singleton. Is your master married ? 

Jessie. Yes sir. 

Col. M. Great heavens ! What depths of infamy. 

Jessie. I beg your pardon, sir? 

Col. M. Nothing — nothing, my child, for you to know. Where 
is your mistress ? 

Jessie. Away at her sister's, sir. 

Col. M. Away? I'd have sworn it. Oh, the designing Don 
Juan. He has laid his plans well. When will he be back ? 

Jessie. He can't be very long, sir, it's past luncheon time 
already. 

Col. M. Then I'll call again. I can't stay in this place, the 
atmosphere would choke me. ( Up to C.) Tell your master that — 

Jessie. Yes, sir. 



a 6 A ftttriaway Couple. 

Col. M. No, don't tell him. 

Jessie. No, sir. 

Col. M. Say that when I come back, I'll show him, sir, by 
George I will. [EXIT c. D. to R. 

JOHN {who through this scene while he is pretending to ar- 
range his flowers has been watching them intently). What did he 
want ? 

Jessie. I don't know. 

John. Eh? 

Jessie {louder). I don't know. 

John. What did he say he wanted ? 

Jessie. He didn't say anything. 

John. W T hat fools women are. Chattering to him like a mag- 
pie for fifteen minutes and don't know what he wants. Bah ! 
Where's he gone ? 

Jessie. Into the garden. 

John. Where ? — 

Jessie. Into the garden. 

John. Garden ? W T hy didn't you say so before, he'll be hook- 
ing the flowers, first thing you know. You 11 never have any 
sense. [EXIT quickly C. D. 

JESSIE. Well, did anyone ever hear the like. No sense. Dear 
me, I'm forgetting all about that poor young lady, and she must 
be starving. [EXIT R. 2 E. 

(ENTER c. from r. Singleton and Miss Ponsonby, both 
appear very hot and tired, but MlSS PONSONBY looks grim 
and stately whilst SINGLETON seems almost too weak to walk 
— he comes down to sofa L. and sits. MlSS PONSONBY goes 
to table C. pulling off her gloves.) 

Sing. Oh, what a lot of good a walk does you. So much 
better than being shut up in a stuffy house, I feel quite refreshed. 

Miss P. You look it. 

Sing, {aside). I wonder if she intends that for sarcasm. 
{Aloud) I hope you enjoyed the view, Miss Ponsonby. Charm- 
ing wasn't it ? 

Miss P. Perhaps. I was thinking of other things. 

Sing. Really ! Now, that's too bad. I had quite set my heart 
on your admiring it. Why, do you know that only last week, Pro- 
fessor Smith, your old friend, the professor of geology. 

Miss P. Botany. 

Sing. Botany — of course, what am I thinking about. Well, 
Smith — awfully foolish of me to think it was geology — Smith said 
he hadn't enjoyed anything so much since he did the continent 
twenty years ago and went up to the top of Mount what's-his-narne 
in a snow-storm. 



A Runaway Couple. 2? 

MlSS P. Indeed, perhaps Prof. Smith's mind was free from care 
and tit to imbibe the beauties of nature, my case was different. 

Sing. Of course it was. I'd forgotten that. To be sure you 
must be awfully worried about that unfortunate girl. 

MlSS. P. I wasn't thinking of her. 

Sing, {faintly). No ? 

MlSS P. No, I'm used to that sort of worry. 

SlNG. Of course you are, how silly of me not to think of it, it 
must be second nature to you. 

MlSS P. It is. I am used to dealing with headstrong and im- 
pertinent girls, but not with designing reprobates. {Crosses to chair 
R. and sits) 

SlNG. {rising). I beg your pardon, you said 

MlSS P. Designing reprobates — and I meant it. Concealment 
is useless. You have guilt upon your conscience and you may as 
well confess it. 

SlNG. {getting a little nearer to her by degrees and speaking 
soothingly). Now, my dear Miss Ponsonby, don't you think that 
you are a little bit unjust ? Don't you think that your judgment — 
usually so clear and impartial — is a little, shall we say, warped by 
the worry you have undergone ? What have I done that you should 
think I am concealing a crime ? 

Miss P. Contradicted yourself seven times during the course of 
your walk. 

S NG. {aside). I knew I'd do it. 

MlSS P. Well, what have you got to say ? 

SlNG. Don't you think you are mistaken ? 

Miss P. No, I do not. 

SlNG. Dear me! {Hums family) 

MlSS P. {rising and taking c.). Yes, in your feverish desire to 
keep up a conversation, and avoid the questions I was about to put 
to you, you talked nonsense, Horace Singleton, prevaricating, equiv- 
ocating nonsense, plunging deeper and deeper at every step into 
the mire of deceit and hypocrisy. I would have given you a chance 
to confess all and make your peace, but you would not take it, and 
now my determination is fixed — when your trusting wife returns I 
shall open her eyes to the true character of the man she has chosen 
for a husband. I always distrusted you, Horace, now I despise you. 

[EXIT R. 3 E. 

(SINGLETON looks after her with a dazed expression, then sits 
chair L. of table C. and leans his head on his hand and hums 
dolefully?) 

Sing. Oh, dear, what have I done to deserve all this? Tried 
to act the part of a friend, made myself a liar in reality and the 
Lord knows what in Miss Ponsonby's imagination. If I could only 
— no — that wouldn't do — if — oh — {Gives a prolonged groan, gets 



ag A Runaway Couple. 

up, runs his hands through his hair, and then walks up anddowtl 
with his hands in his pockets humming violently) I must get that 
miserable girl away, she must hide in the arbor or the tool-house, 
or somewhere — but go she must. {He goes up to L. 3 E.) 

(ENTER John c.from r. cautiously.) 

JOHN. Mr. Singleton ! 

Sing, {jumping and turning round). Bless my life, John, how 
you startled me ! 

JOHN. Mr. Singleton ! 

Sing. Yes. 

John. There's a lunatic here ! 

Sing. God bless my soul, where did he come from ? 

JOHN. I don't know* I'm a little deaf, worse luck — and he 
mumbles so I couldn't hear him. I asked him to speak out, but 
he wouldn't. Jessie was talking to him, but lor, women are no 
good to find things out. 

Sing. Is that your experience, John ? I wish it were mine. 

John. Did you speak ? 

SlNG. No, John, nothing of consequence. Where is he now ? 

John. In the garden. / think he came after the bulbs, but 
don't you be afraid, I kept my eye on him. 

SING. That was very good of you, John. What's he like? 

JOHN. He didn't like it at all. 

SlNG. No, no, John. I said what's he like ? {Shouting) 
What sort of a man ? 

JOHN. Not very short, but stout, and has a millingtaryair about 
him. 

SlNG. Military ! Colonel Martin, Amy's guardian. This is 
getting awful ! {Shoves hands in pocket atid crosses down L. 
humming) 

John. I don't like the looks of him. Shall I get the police ? 
( Turns toward R. 3 E.) 

SlNG. {losing his temper). Police ! No, you old fool. 

JOHN. Oh, I'll keep cool. It takes a deal more than that to 
flustrate me. 

Sing. Oh, he'll drive me crazy ! {Goes up to him) Here, take 
this shilling. {Giving him money) Go down to the village and get 
me 

John. Eh ? What do you want ? 

SlNG. I don't know. Oh, get anything you like, get drunk if you 
want to, only go ! {Pushes John out L. 2 E., John protesting and 
trying to explain. He closes the door) 

(ENTER Col. Martin c. from l.) 

Col. M. Mr. Horace Singleton, I believe ! 
Sing. At your service. 



A Runaway Couple. 29 

COL. M. My name is Martin, sir, John Martin, late Colonel in 
Her Majesty's regiment of Singapore cavalry. 

Sing, (aside). I thought so. {Aloud) Pleased to make your 
acquaintance, Colonel Martin, can I 

Col. M. I'm sorry I can't say the pleasure is mutual. 

Sing. Really ! 

Col. M. Nothing but an imperative sense of duty would make 
me set foot in this house, and having done so nothing but the laws 
of an unmanly and effeminate civilization would prevent me from 
inflicting on you the chastisement you deserve. If only I had you 
in India, I'd show you, sir, by George, I would. 

Sing. Would you really ? You'll excuse me, but I don't think 
I quite follow you. 

Col. M. Don't you, sir, or won't you, sir — which ? Where I 
come from, sir,, we don't waste time in words, we act. Give me 
my ward ! 

Sing. Eh— you ? 

Col. M. Ward, sir, ward, don't I speak clearly ? 

Sing, (aside). If he makes that row, Miss Ponsonby will be 
down, and then — Oh, I must get him out of this. (Aloud) Yes, 
my dear sir, you speak very clearly, and if I might be allowed to 
say so in rather high key, I don't mind it myself, but there's a sick 
lady in the next room — and 

COL. M. Nonsense, sir, you are trying to gain time and beg the 
question. ( Very loud) Will you give me my ward ? 

Sing. My dear sir, as a military man and a gentleman, respect 
the slumbers of an indisposed female. Who is your ward, and 
what makes you think I've got her ? 

COL. M. (crossing L.). This is toojmuch. Don't — don't go too 
far or I shall forget myself, but — I — I'll be calm. (Sits sofa L.) 

Sing. That's right, it's so much better in this hot weather. 

Col. M. Damn the weather, don't talk to me about the weather. 
Who is my ward, do you ask, sir, and why do I think you've got 
her ? Didn't I trace you and the victim of your perfidy to the vil- 
lage hotel ? Didn't I find the cabman who drove you here and 
who is willing to go in the witness box and swear to it ? 

SlNG. My dear sir, I haven't been inside a cab for a fortnight. 

COL. M. (making a rush C). Would you dare to call me a liar ? 

SlNG. (getting behind chair R. and keeping it between him and 
Martin). Now, my dear Colonel, do be calm, you said you would, 
you know — I'm not attacking your veracity, but the cabman's. 
There's a mistake somewhere. 

Col. M. Do you mean to say you don't know Amy Stanhope ? 

SlNG. (taken aback). I—I 

Col. M. Ah — ah — you can't deny it — when did you see her 



30 A Runaway Couple. 

SlNG. {aside). There's no help for it — I've got to lie. {Draw- 
ing himself up stifflly) 1 never saw her in my life. The name is 
familiar to me through a friend — who 

COL. M, And his name, sir, the name of this friend ? 

SlNG. I don't feel at liberty to give it. (Col. M. bursts into a 
roar of laughter) Hush, my dear sir, think of the sick lady ! 

Col. M. Confound the sick lady, sir, I don't believe there is 
one. She's a myth, sir, like your friend. I've had enough of this 
trifling, I'll give you five minutes, then, if you don't answer, I'll go 
for a policeman and a search warrant. ( Takes out his watch) 

SlNG. {aside). If I don't get him out of the house I'm lost — 
{Aloud, in a very dignified tone) Colonel Martin, I presume you are 
laboring under the influence of very strong emotions — {Glances 
hastily over his shoulder at R. 3 e.) And therefore, I am prepared 
to pardon rudeness for which under ordinary circumstances — {A 
door bangs, and he starts violently but recovers himself) under 
ordinary circumstances I should demand personal satisfaction. 
(COL. M. looks astonished and drops into chair L. of table R. 
SlNG. looks nervously over his shoulder and wipes his forehead) 
I don't know your ward — never heard of her. 

Col. M. Never heard of her ! Why, just now 

Sing. I mean, I never saw her, and I don't want to — at least, 
not at present. She has done a hasty and foolish thing. 

COL. M. How the devil do you know that ? 

SlNG. {aside). There I go again — my brain won't stand the 
strain much longer. {Aloud) I mean, she must have done some- 
thing hasty and foolish to provoke so much indignation in her 
natural friend and protector, and if there is anything I can do to 
forward the interests of the aforesaid friend and protector, I — I — 
don't you find the room very warm ? 

Col. M. Eh? 

Sing. Yes, of course you do. How foolish of me not to think 
of it before. Let's go to the arbor, we can talk better there. 
Lovely view of the river, rustic seats, and butterflies and earwigs 
and all sorts of nice things. Now you must come and we'll have 
some wine and cigars. {Seizing Col. Martin by the arm) 

COL. M. Sir, this is no time for drinking. 

Sing. Oh, yes it is. Now really you must allow me. {Comes 
to table C. and rings gong) 

Col. M. Sir, I have a duty to perform. 

Sing. Of course you have. 

(ENTER Jessie r. 2 e.) 

Jessie, take some cigars to the arbor and some iced claret ! (To 
Martin) You like iced claret ? 
COL. M. Sir, I 



A Runaway Couple. 31 

Sing. Of course you do. A man of your sort would. Yes, 
some claret, Jessie, and cigars, and hurry up, there's a good girl. 

[EXIT Jessie r. 2 e. 

Col. M. Mr. Singleton, you are very kind, and if I have mis- 
judged you, I apologize ; but 

SlNG. It's all right, no need of apologies between friends. Come 
along, now do ; I won't take a refusal. (Going up to window c.) 

Col. M. Mr. Singleton, I protest. I cannot afford to waste 
time — my ward 

Sing. She's all right ! 

COL. M. How do you know ? 

SlNG. I mean she will be all right. Oh, we'll find her, never 
fear! I'm great on cases of this kind. (Drags MARTIN up C. 
and out of window to L.Just as they disappear) 
(ENTER Miss Ponsonby r. 3 e.) 

Miss P. I can't make it out. I actually believe my nerves are 
upset and I thought I could stand anything. I could not sleep, 
and besides, there was such a noise like people quarrelling. Some 
of Horace's disreputable companions come to visit him, perhaps. 
(Putting her hand to her head) How my head aches. I think 
a nice, strong, cup of tea would do me good. Anyway I'll try it. 
(Rings gong on table C.) 

(ENTER Jessie r. 2 e.) 

JESSIE. Did you ring, ma'am ? 

MISS P. Yes. I have a bad headache, and I want a cup of 
strong tea and some thin bread and butter, just as quickly as you 
can get it. 

JESSIE. Yes ma'am — anything else, ma'am ? 

MISS P. No, only don't keep me waiting. I'm not used to lazy 
servants. 

Jessie, (aside at D. r. 3 e.). Spiteful old thing. Oh, that poor 
dear young lady, she must be starving. [EXIT R. 3 E. 

MlSS P. I don't understand it, there's a mystery somewhere, 
but I'll get at the bottom of it before I'm an hour older. You may 
be a clever lawyer, Horace Singleton, but you're no match for 
Honoria Ponsonby when she sets her mind on anything. Oh, my 
poor head, I believe it's cooler on the terrace. I'll wait there till 
she brings my tea. [EXIT C. to L. 

(ENTER JESSIE r. 2 E. with waiter, tea-pot on it — bread and 
butter, etc.) 

Jessie. Well, I wonder where she's gone to ! (Looking round) 
In such a dreadful hurry for her cup of tea a few minutes ago, and 
can't even wait for it. Old cat. Well, I shan't try to find her, 
and if it gets cold it's her own fault. I wonder if the young lady 
knows she's about, I'll just warn her. ( Up to L. 3 E. ) 



32 A Runaway Couple. 

John {off R.). Jessie — Jessie — come here a moment, or wait— 
I'll come to you. 

Jessie. No, no, John, I'll come. {Crosses to R. 2 E.) What an 
old nuisance. [EXIT R. 2 E. 

(Amy puts her head in at L. 3 E., looks anxiously around and 
then comes out.) 

AMY. I wonder if that girl is ever going to bring me anything. 
I'm famished. I've been trying to sleep, but I couldn't, I'm too 
hungry. {Down to table C. and sees waiter) Oh, what's this, 
bread and butter and a cup of tea ! How delightful ! Perhaps 
Jessie has put it ready for me — and gone to get some meat, or pre- 
serves or something, anyhow, I don't care who it was prepared for, 
I'm going to eat it. I'm too far gone to stand on ceremony, and if 
I hear anyone coming I'll seize the bread and butter and decamp. 
{Seats herself L. of table, pours out some tea and begins to eat) . 

Amy. I wonder what has become of Mr. Singleton and the 
Dragon and Harry. Harry ought to be back before now. It 
can't take all this time to get a license. 

(Miss Ponsonby appears C.from R. and seeing Amy, stands for 
a moment as if horror-struck, and then comes down C. to R. 
of table.) 

Amy. And those Caramels. I hope he won't forget them. 
I'm just dying 

{Raises slice of bread and butter to her mouth and at the same 
moment looks up and sees Miss Ponsonby/z/^/ as she is tak- 
ing a bite. A pause. They both stare at each other.) 

Miss P. So, Miss Stanhope, I have found you. 

Amy {trying to appear unconcerned). It — it looks like it. 

Miss P. Unhappy girl, thank heaven I have come in time to 
save you. 

Amy. From what ? 

Miss P. Your folly. 

Amy. If that's the same thing as marriage don't be too sure. 

MlSS P. You're not married ? 

AMY. Not quite, but I expect to be soon. 

Miss P. Soon ! In a few minutes you will be on the road 
back to Ponsonby house. 

AMY. I don't think so. 

MlSS P. You refuse to accompany me ? 

Amy. Most decidedly. 

Miss P. Wretched girl, must I tell you all, must I open your 
eyes to the abyss on the verge of which you have been standing ? 

Amy {aside). The ruling passion, she talks like an essay. 



A Runaway Couple. 33 

Miss P. I have just saved you from becoming a bigamist. 

Amy. A what? — 

Miss P. A bigamist. Your lover is married already. 

Amy. He isn't. 

MlSS P. Don't you dare to contradict me. 

Amy. Don't you dare to tell such stories about my — 

Miss P. Horace, why don't you say it — Horace. 

Amy. Horace ! 

Miss P. Horace. Oh, yes, I know all. 

Amy. Why you don't suppose 

Mrs. S. ( off R. a). Jessie. Jessie ! Why, where has every- 
body got to ? 

Miss P. Do you hear that voice ? 

Amy. Yes. Whose is it ? 

Miss P. The voice of your victim. 

Amy. My victim? 

Miss P. The woman whose husband you have stolen. 

Amy. I haven't stolen any woman's husband. You ought to 
be ashamed of yourself. 

(ENTER Mrs. Singleton c./rom r.) 

Mrs. S. Why, Horace — where — {Seeing Miss PONSONBY) Oh, 
you here, aunt. (MlSS PONSONBY, goes up to her with a commis- 
erating look and puts her arm round her protectingly) 

Miss P. Yes, I am here, my poor suffering child. 

Mrs. S. Good heavens ! Is anything the matter ? Horace, is 
he ill ? 

Miss P. No my dear, men like him never get ill. 

Mrs. S. Then what is the matter ? 

MlSS P. Oh, you'll know soon enough. Do you see that young 
person — {Pointing to AMY) 

Mrs. S. Oh, yes. I met her at Ponsonby house. It is- 

Miss P. The woman w r ho has usurped your place in your 
husband's heart. 

Amy. Oh, Miss Ponsonby, how can you tell such wicked — 
wicked stories. Mrs. Singleton I 

Miss P. Silence ! How dare you speak to the woman you 
have wronged ? 

Amy. I haven't wronged anybody. 

Miss. P. Not wronged ? Oh, how perverted has your moral 
sense become. Listen to me, Lucy. This morning Miss Stanhope 
eloped from my seminary. I followed and traced her as far as the 
village hotel. Then I lost track of her and came on here to rest. 
I found you away, and your husband restless, feverish, excited — 
he refused to let me enter your room, and told me some nonsense 
about a present for my birthday, which he had got locked up there 



34 A Runaway Couple. 

took me for a two hours' walk in the broiling sun, equivocated, 
contradicted, prevaricated, lied and involved himself inextricably 
in the meshes of falsehood. I bided my time resolved to solve the 
mystery, and I have done so. Behold the situation. Miss Stan- 
hope elopes from my seminary this morning, this afternoon she is 
an inmate of your house. There can be only one inference, the 
partner of her folly is your husband. 

Amy. He isn't. 

Miss P. Then who is ? 

Amy {after a pause). That's my business. Mrs. Singleton I swear 
to you it's all a mistake, your husband is the best and kindest of 
men — ( Very seriously) I may be headstrong and foolish but I'm 
not wicked. I have never had anyone but her {pointing to Miss 
P.) to direct or guide me, and she never gave me one loving or 
tender word. Send her away and I will tell you everything, and 
trust to your generous heart to forgive and help me. 

MRS. S. Miss Stanhope. 

Miss P. Lucy, don't be foolish. 

MRS. S. But aunt 

Miss P. My poor child you are too innocent, and unfit to cope 
with the deceits of the world — Leave the affair to me. 

KRS. S. But aunt — Horace — I must see him. 

Kiss. P. Nothing of the kind, you must tear him from your 
heart. 

MRS. S. {sobbing). But I— c — c — c — an't. 

Miss. P. Don't be a fool — come and lie down and I'll bathe 
your head with cologne. {Leads LUCY up to R. 3 E.) As for you, 
Miss, go to that room. {Pointing L. 3 E.) And don't you dare 
move out of it till I come. [EXIT with Mrs. Singleton sobbing 
and protesting R. 3 E. 

Amy. I'll do nothing of the sort. I'll get on my hat and run 
away, and hide — hide — I don't know where I'll hide, but I'll hide 
till Harry comes, he can't be long. Oh ! how I'd like to have a 
good cry, but I won't give way. Harry wouldn't like it, and I'll 
be brave for his sake, and wait till it's over. [EXIT L. 3 E. 

(ENTER Singleton Q.from l. pauses in window looking L.) 

Sing. Thank heaven he's quiet at last. He's drinking my best 
claret like water, and smoking my best cigars like a bonfire, but 
he is quiet. Oh, lord, my head — if I could only think. {Puts his 
hand to his head humming dolefully) But . I can't. I don't 

know 

(ENTER Amy l. 3 e. with hat on, she starts for C. and bumps 
into Singleton.) 

SlNG. Oh, good gracious, what are you doing here ? you 
must'nt, you know, you really must'nt. You'll spoil all. For 
heaven's sake get back into that room. 



A Runaway Couple. 35 

Amy. I won't. I'm going to run away. 

Sing. Where to? 

AMY. I — I — don't know. 

Sing, {aside). She's as bad as I am. {Aloud) See here, this 
can't last much longer something's bound to happen. 

Amy. It has happened, you don't know the worst. 

Sing. Don't I ? 

Amy. No. Your wife's home. (Sing, groans) And Miss 
Ponsonby's told her the most awful lot of lies. 

Sing. Is she lying too ? Oh, it's in the air. 

Amy. She says you're a bigamist, and I've eloped with you — 
and your wife is to tear you from her heart And oh, {breaking 
down and sobbing) I'm so wretched and miserable. 

SlNG. Of course you are. {Puts his arm round her, she lays 
her head on his shoulder) So am I. There, there, don't. 

(ENTER MlSS PONSONBY r. 3 E. She sees them and shriekes. 
SINGLETON Plunges his hands into his pockets and hums 
violently. Amy sobs atid clings round his neck.) 

MlSS P. {calling off). Lucy — Lucy — ! 

(ENTER Lucy, r. 3 e.) 

There. {Pointing) You refuse to believe me, believe your own 
senses. There stands the shameless man and the partner of his 
guilt. 

(Singleton breaks away from Amy, who sinks into chair L. of 
window.) 

SlNG. My darling Lucy, it's a mistake— it's all wrong. 

MlSS P. I should think so. 

SlNG. I know appearances are against me. 

MISS P. Rather. 

SlNG. Well, that's just what I said, but I'll explain all. 

MlSS P. After what we have seen explanations are superfluous. 

MRS. S. Oh, Horace, Horace, I couldn't have believed it of you. 

SlNG. Of course you couldn't, I can hardly believe it of myself, 
but— 

Col. M. {offh. C). Stand out of my way, you deaf idiot. 
(Amy rises and comes down L. C.) 
' (ENTER Col. Martin c. from l.) 

Col. M. Singleton, I {Sees Amy) What ? 

Miss P. Colonel Martin, 

COL. M. {seeing her). Miss Ponsonby. 

MlSS P. and COL. M. {together). What does this mean ? 

MlSS P. It means that that wretched man has abducted your 
ward. 



3 3 A Runaway Couple. 

Col. M. It means that he is a consummate liar. 

Miss P. A would be bigamist. 

COL. M. An unmitigated fraud. 

Sing. Colonel Martin, Miss Ponsonby this language is action- 
able. 

Col. M. Don't have the unblushing effrontery to talk to me of 
actions. Haven't you told me falsehood after falsehood. Didn't 
you say you had never seen my ward. 

Miss P. Didn't you tell me you had a birthday present locked 
up in your wife's room ? 

COL. M. Didn't you tell me you had only heard of her through 
a friend ? 

Miss P. The ten button kid gloves were Jessie's — and the hand- 
kerchief with the monogram was Lucy's ? 

COL. M. It was only pity for my emotions that prevented you 
from demanding personal satisfaction ? Satisfaction ? By George 
you shall have it, sir, whether you like it or not. As a soldier and 
a man of honor there are only two courses open to me, I'll shoot 
you or horsewhip you. Take your choice. 

MRS. S. Oh, Horace, Horace. 

Miss. P. Hold your tongue, Lucy. 

Mrs. S. But aunt. 

Miss P. Don't be a fool, he deserves his punishment. 

Col. M. Come, sir — which shall it be ? (Singleton hums 
helplessly) I am glad the prospect amuses you. ( Very loud) 
Which shall it be ? 

Amy {very quietly crossing to Col. M.). Uncle John, don't talk 
nonsense. 

Col. M. {astonished). What, you dare ? 

Amy. To stop you making a fool of yourself ? Yes. It's all 
your own fault. I told you if you sent me back to school I'd run 
away, and I've kept my word. 

Col. M. But confound it, madam, you needn't have run away 
with a married man. 

Amy. I haven't, Mr. Singleton has no more thought of eloping 
with me than he has of flying. His only fault is that he thinks 
more of his friends' interests than he does of his own. I've got 
him into an awful scrape and I'm sorryfor it. The man I eloped 
with was 

Col. M., Mrs. S., and Miss P. Who ? 

(ENTER Harry Bernard, c. His hat battered in, his clothes 
torn, and his face scratched and covered with mud. Amy 
sees him and rushes to his arms.) 

Amy. Harry ! 

Sing. (<roing up to him and shaking him violently by the hand). 



A Runaway Couple. 37 

My dear boy, you don't know how glad I am to see you. For 
heaven's sake tell these people I am not a bigamist. 

Amy. Tell them I did not elope with a married man. 

HARRY. Eh — what ? why of course not. 

COL. M. Confound your impudence, sir, do you mean to tell 
me 

Harry. Come, come, Colonel, no hard words, we're not in 
India. You told me I should not have Amy and shut the front 
door in my face. I was determined to get her, so I climbed over 
the back wall. 

Col. M. And like all head strong young fools you never thought 
of the scandal that might be talked about your future wife. 

Harry. You're wrong, Colonel. Amy's honor is as dear to 
me as to you. When Amy consented to elope with me I took her 
at once to the house of my oldest friend, Mr. Singleton, intending 
to solicit his wife's care for Amy. Unfortunately Mrs. Singleton 
was from home ; in the emergency I left her with Horace himself 
whilst I went for the license. I was detained for three hours by 
my train running into a freight. My personal appearance will 
verify this statement. During my absence it appears that my 
friend has been inconvenienced and misunderstood. I am sin- 
cerely sorry. 

Sing. Don't mention it, my boy, don't mention it, all's well 
that ends well. 

COL. M. But hang it all, sir, how about those astonishing — 
romances you entertained me with. 

SlNG. Legal fictions, my dear sir, perfectly justifiable legal fic- 
tions. Force of habit. When Harry placed his case — otherwise 
his fiancee in my hands, he became my client, and a lawyer may 
always lie for his client you know. 

{During the last few speeches MRS. S. has been talking excitedly 
with MlSS P.. she now breaks away from her and runs up to 
Singleton.) 

Mrs. S. Oh, Horace, can you ever forgive my horrible sus- 
picions ? 

Sing. Certainly my dear. {Kissing her) I always admitted 
appearances were against me. 

Miss P. And are still. Lucy you'll never be such a fool as to 
accept these explanations ? 

LUCY. Yes I shall, aunt. I think I've lived long enough under 
your guidance, in future I'll be guided by my own heart — and I 
think I'll be happier. {Looking affectionately up at her husband) 
Don't you ? 

Sing. Not a doubt of it. 
(MlSS P. tosses her head. Crosses to chair R. and sits bolt upright, 
and very dignified.) 



38 A Runaway Couple. 

Col. M. Well, I'm willing to own we've all been a little hasty, 
and everybody owes everybody else an apology, so the best thing 
to do is let bygones be bygones and say no more about it, but I 
can't let my ward marry that young man. 

Amy {going up to hiin and taking his arm). Oh, yes, you can. 

Col. M. Then I won't. 

Amy. Oh, yes, you will. 

Col. M. I'll be 

Amy. Oh ! {Putting her hand over his mouth) 

Col. M. Well, I won't. 

Sing. Now, my dear sir, don't you think, all things considered 
you'd better consent. Just look at his condition and tell me if you 
don't think he needs some recompense for all he's gone through ? 
I've known him a long time and really he's a very nice young man. 
He's got the lady's heart and the license. 

COL. M. But he's not got a penny to his name. 

Harry. But I've got expectation. 

COL. M. Expectation be 

Sing, {int err zip ting). Quite right, a bird in the hand is worth 
two in the bush. Consent to the marriage, Colonel Martin, and I'll 
see if I can't make room for a junior partner in my office. Is it a 
bargain ? 

COL. M. Well, I suppose I must say yes, this confounded cli- 
mate is weakening my will, but if I was in India 

Sing. Thank heaven we're not, my dear sir. (Amy crosses to 
HARRY who puts his arm round her) And now every thing's 
settled let's get Jessie to put us up some sandwiches, row up the 
river, eat dinner in the open air and come back by moonlight. 
What do you say. 

Mrs. S. Amy and Harry. Delightful. 

COL. M. {nods his head). All right. 

Miss P. Thank you, I don't care to go. 

Sing. No ? Well, perhaps you're right, moonlight and water 
don't agree with some people, but they're the very things for 
sweethearts — new — {Smiting at Harry and Amy) and old. 
{Giving his wife a squeeze) and we'll take some champagne with 
us and drink success and happiness to the Runaway Couple. 

{Kisses MRS. S. and hums " Home Sweet Hotnc' cheerfully. 
Harry embraces Amy. Colonel Martin, looks on smiling. 
MlSS P. sits bolt upright and very discontented.) 

CURTAIN. 
Positions at Curtain. 
Col. M. Sing, and Mrs. S. 

Miss P. Amy and Harry. 



THE STEEL KING 

COMEDY-DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS 
By HORACE C. DALE 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, four female characters, consisting of a factory owner, a 
lawyer, two mechanics, a rascally negro, an old woman clairvoyant, two 
girls, policeman, etc. Time of playing, 2^4 hours. A story of strife and 
lawlessness, hatred and hypnotism. Can be played with the scenery in any 
hall. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — The dynamite bomb. A test of will power. A labor champion, 
a remedy for grievances. An appeal. Explanation. "I go downtown if 
it means to my death." "You shall not." 

Act II. — Hatred and vengeance. Will power prevails. Henry assaulted. 
The two spies. The mob's attack. Heroic sacrifice. Rescue. 

Act III. — Appeal for mercy. Attempted bribe. "Your arm is paralyzed." 

Act IV. — The attack. Overpowered. The retreat. Startling revelations. 
Restitution. 



THE GYPSY QUEEN 

A DRAMA IN FOUR ACTS 

By HORACE C. DALE 

PRICE 25 CENTS 

Five male, three female characters. Heavy character man and four 
comedy characters. The Gypsy Queen, and two walking ladies. Time of 
playing, iY> hours. Startling situations. 1 interior and 1 exterior scenes. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — An angry father's demand. A feminine device. Joe and Inez. 
The gathering storm. A daughter's defiance. The Gypsy Queen. 

Act II. — An early visitor. One month later. Caught napping. Holt 
in the soup. Inez and Dora. The wedding march. Euchered. 

Act III. — The roll call. A knave's compact. Love versus duty. The 
lovers' meeting. A murderous assault. Tricked again. 

Act IV. — An April shower. Revelations of the past. Brought to judg- 
ment. A novel marriage. Crowning of the Queen. 



JEMIMA 

OR 

THE WITCH of BENDER 

COMEDY IN THREE ACTS 

By H. ELLIOTT McBRIDE 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

Four male, four female characters. A farmer, an old bachelor, another 
farmer and a Yankee; also a farmer's wife, his aunt, a Yankee girl and 
an aspiring maid. A series of surprises, which are effectual of their pur- 
pose. Time of playing, iy 2 hours. 1 interior scene. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — Jemima's mistrust and little scheme. The old maid's mistake. 
Jonah's perplexities. Jeremiah's dilemma. The Witch. "Beware." 

Act II. — Bolivar's oil craze. Invoking the Witch. Bolivar's terror. 
The old maid's resolve. 

Act III. — The old maid's despair. Jeremiah and Sarah. The Witch's 
revenge. The old maid happy. Jemima herself again. 



OUT IN THE STREETS 

A TEMPERANCE PLAY IN THREE ACTS 
By S. N. COOK 

PRICE 15 CENTS 

Six male, three female characters and a little girl. An old gentleman, 
plausible rascal, dissolute son, young lover, darkey servant, policeman. 
Elderly lady and her daughter, widow and child. Time of playing, 1 hour. 
A tale of oppression and retribution. 3 interior and 1 street scene. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS. 

Act I. — An irascible father, a sensible wife and an independent daughter. 
The fawning rascal dismissed. The rascal and his son. The ejection. 

Act II. — The robbery. Out in the streets. The recognition. At home. 
The widow's story. 

Act III. — The rascal unmasked. The double arrest. The widow comes 
to her own. A happy wedding. 






One copy del. to Cat. Div. 



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25 CENTS EACH 

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EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 10 

PRISONER OF ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2^4 hours.. 10 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 9 

ISABEE, THE PEARE OP CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 

EITTEE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 

BY FORCE OF IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; %y % hours 9 
BETWEEN TWO FIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2J| hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2J| hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2}4 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2}/ 2 hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGEE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; lhour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUIETING PARTY. 1 Scene 5 11 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene 2 30 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; l^hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; lhour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; 1J£ hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Kecitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS. 20 minutes 8 

BUNCH OF ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1J^ hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 



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AUG 1U91 
COMEDIES AND DRAMAS 

25 CENTS EACH 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4 Acts; 2 hours 6 3 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2^ hours. . U 6 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 3 

COUNT OF NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 9 4- 

BEACON. 5 Acts; 2>£ hours... g 6 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 10 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 5 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 8 4 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

GIRD FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2% hours 5 3 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2}£ hours 5 3 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 4 6 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 6 3 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4 Acts; 2 hours 7 4 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4Acts; 2)4 hours 9 6 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 13 4 

NEXT DOOR. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 4 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 9 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3 Acts; 2 hours 4 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3Acts;2hours 5 3 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts ; 2% hours 6 4 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts ; 2^ hours 5 3 

WHAT'S NEXT ? 3 Acts; 2\i hours 7 4 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2^ hours 4 3 



WESTERN PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4Acts;2hours 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3Acts; 2^ hours 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2J^ hours.... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2^ hours. 9 




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